I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
