Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
