have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
