hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
