You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
