just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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