You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
