You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
