i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
