You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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