You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize