Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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