There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
