Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Mom said you looked used
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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