how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
