I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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