beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
