I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
