I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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