my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Randomize
