youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
