The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
