the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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