My hand turned me down
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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