He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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