I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
