We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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