I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You may now shotgun with the bride
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
