I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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