From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
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hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
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I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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