he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
