but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
