hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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