Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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