I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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