That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
