i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
