3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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