Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
