it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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