Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
