I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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