I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
