Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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