Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
