Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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