no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
