My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
