is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize