Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
