Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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