there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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