soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
