3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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