omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
