I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
