Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize