I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
