we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
