This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drake has all the answers
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
