apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
