I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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