Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We left the knife in your bed.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You ruined the universe
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
